Reasons To Be Cheerful: first steps, confessions and knitting

Truth be told, I'm a day early for Reasons To Be Cheerful, but I need to say this tonight.

Reason 1: The first real steps have been taken towards dealing with my depression.

Last Friday I had my initial telephone assessment with Talking Space, the local NHS mental health service. They decided I have "mild-to-moderate" depression, and offered me some group CBT sessions starting on 22nd January. That worried me - I can't imagine returning to work from a year's maternity leave to immediately ask for time off for medical treatment for a condition I don't want to share with my boss, regardless of whether I'm entitled to do so. I also really need to know I've made progress with this condition before returning to work - the idea of still feeling like this as well as working full time really panics me. I explained this as calmly as I could and was told they'd see what they could do.

I had a feeling that NHS treatment was not going to be immediate so I had already got a referral from my GP to BUPA - I'm lucky enough to be covered by my employer. I saw a counsellor today, where we talked through how I was feeling, what I thought might be the cause, and some more general questions. She came to the same conclusion as I had: the last trimester of my pregnancy was very stressful and I have had a high dependency baby (a "velcro baby" that needed to be in close contact with me 24/7 for almost nine months).

I also talked to my La Leche League leader yesterday about the Sertraline the GP wanted to prescribe me. I knew it was considered to be the safest antidepressant I could take whilst breastfeeding but I lost faith in the GP's knowledge of medications in milk when she talked about pumping and dumping after taking the medication - I knew that was rubbish! I feel much more reassured that Badger Cub will not be affected so I'm going to give it a go.

The next steps are also in place: I've been referred to another therapist through BUPA to talk more about the cause of my stress, and today's therapist has booked to see me in January to update on progress. Talking Space also called back and have booked me a one on one CBT session over the phone on 23rd December. I'm up for throwing everything I can get at this.

Reason 2: I told my parents.

As I mentioned before, my family don't really talk about this sort of stuff and that has really affected my ability to talk about it. They were looking after Badger Cub while I attended today's counselling session and I realised that they were worried that there was something wrong that I wasn't telling them about. It wasn't fair to let them assume something far worse than reality so I 'fessed up, and I managed to do it without crying - go me... They were great. Relief on my part.

Reason 3: knitting.

Baby Badger requested a pink and purple scarf. Everything has to be pink and/or purple at the moment. She spotted the work in progress and got very excited that I was making a blanket for Bunny. I laughed and said that it wasn't a blanket, but I could do that next. I told her to imagine it longer and around her neck - first guess was a necklace, but then her eyes widened in wonder and pure delight and she squealed "scarf!". All through dinner she sneaked peeks at the knitting and grinned. Moments like that make everything worthwhile.

This month R2BC is being hosted by Ojo's World while Michelle takes a break.

Liebster again!

The lovely Rhia over at Virtual Rhiality has tagged me for the Liebster Award. Like her, I have been tagged before, but the award has evolved somewhat since I received it last time as now I've got to 'fess up facts and ask questions! I' scraping the bottom of the barrel this time having already spilled the beans on these seven things and another ten!

How does the Liebster award now work? I tell you 11 random facts about me, pose 11 questions and then tag 11 bloggers with less than 400 followers (although how I work that out I don't know) to answer those questions. I also have to answer the questions Rhia posed to me!

11 Answers

1. What is your favourite book or author? Currently Ian Rankin - I'm working my way through all the Rebus books.
2. What is your favourite type of cake? Chocolate. Sticky gooey chocoolate fudge cake. Mmm...
3. What's the one thing you love that most people you know hate or dislike? I honestly can't think of anything. Maybe that's because I'm surrounded by people with similar interests in life, or at least people that don't hate the things I love. The closest would be jazz - I like it whereas Father Badger would rather stick pins in his eyes.
4. Favourite sandwich? Chicken, bacon and avocado.
5. Favourite childhood toy? Lego. None of the fancy themed stuff you get nowadays, just good old fashioned bricks you can use your imagination with.
6. Favourite colour? Purple.
7. If you could invent one thing to make your life easier what would it be? Detachable boobs so I could get someone else to feed Badger Cub but without him losing the comfort factor.
8. If you could learn one new skill/language/craft etc what would it be? Willpower. That's a skill, isn't it? Willpower to get fit and healthy.
9. If you were a superhero what would your power/name be? Captain Obsessive. Everything in its place, especially those darned apostrophes.
10. If  you had a whole day to yourself & loads of money; where would you go? What would you do? I can't believe I'm saying this as I'm not really girly: a really nice spa by myself where I'd get a massage and pampering, lovely food and good magazines.
11. If you could achieve one thing this year what would it be? Become a shadow of my former self: finish my year of maternity leave in the best physical form of my adult life.

11 Random Facts

1. I played in my college ladies football team with two years in goal. Ladies' football at that level (i.e. enthusiastic but generally unskilled) is definitely not non-contact, and I once ended up with a boot imprint including studs in my stomach.
2. During my third year at Durham University I lived yards away from the cathedral, whose bells toll every fifteen minutes 24 hours a day. You don't hear them after a while, unless you're having trouble sleeping in which case you lie awake waiting for each one...
3. I am a trained breastfeeding peer supporter.
4. The house where I grew up (which is round the corner from where I live now) still has a dent in the garage door from when I learnt to ride a bike. I was a bit slow learning how to use the brakes.
5. I work in IT but have no interest in computer games, which is somewhat of a rarity.
6. I don't do heels. I appreciate many of them as elegant works of art, but I have no intention of putting myself through the torture of wearing them. I even got married in jewel-encrusted birkenstocks.
7. We've lived in our house for almost six years but have not yet unpacked all of the boxes. I have a suspicion that some of those boxes were also not unpacked in our previous house where we lived for five years. Just think of all the treasure there may be to find!
8. I hold music grades in five instruments: grade 8 trumpet and tenor horn, grade 4 piano, grade 3 trombone and grade 2 violin. I suspect the violin was the most painful experience for my parents.
9. I am a confirmed sci fi geek: Star Trek (all series), Battlestar Galactica (old and new), Doctor Who, Babylon Five.
10. I once built a brick barbeque in the garden. My bricklaying skills are poor and it was more functional with a slight tilt rather than attractive. Thankfully that was in our last house and someone else now gets to look at it.
11. Baths bore me. They seem like a good idea at the time but then you get in and there's no entertainment and it gets cold. Maybe someone could invent a bath that keeps the water hot?

11 Questions

1. Marmite - love it or hate it?
2. Which three famous people or celebrities would you like to spend an evening at the pub with and why (or afternoon at a coffee shop if you'd prefer)?
3. What sort of cook are you? Do you follow recipes, throw things together or phone for takeaway?
4. Which living person do you most admire, and why?
5. What was you favourite childhood television series?
6. What is your dream holiday destination or activity?
7. Tea or coffee?
8. What is your ideal comfort food?
9. What is your favourite item of jewellery?
10. Are you girly or a tomboy?
11. For what are you most grateful?

Time to tag...

I'm going to go with some lovely Tweeps I recently added to my Twitter list:

1. The Last Girl In Love over at The Last Girl in Love Blog
2. The Strolling Mum over at Can I Walk Mummy?
3. Stephanie Siviter over at The Confinement Chronicles
4. Sue over at Simply a Mummy
5. Jamie over at One Man and a Wee Bairn
6. Dinky Thinks over at the Dinky Thinks blog
7. Bianca over at Richmond Mummy
8. Ericka over at Mum in the South
9. Claire over at Diary of the Evans-Crittens
10. Emily over at Tealady Mumbles
11. MrsTutey over at Up, down, round & round

Happy Mothers Day

As part of celebrating Mothers Day (which was yesterday but I had rather a busy day) I have been tagged over at Trouble Doubled - thank you! It's been a good opportunity to think about how lucky I am compared to my own mother and appreciate just what she did for me - surely the meaning of mothers day.

Describe motherhood in three words

Amazing, tiring, inspiring.

Does your experience differ from your mother's?  How?

I was born in an RAF hospital in West Germany so I my mother's experience of birth and early motherhood were fairly regimented. They were not well off on their return to the UK (I was a few months old) and my father worked away from home at various points in my early childhood. My grandmother moved to the same village when I was three years old, which enabled my mother to return to work.

My pre- and post-natal experience has been much more free-flowing, probably due to the vast amounts of information available nowadays: I did a lot of reading whilst pregnant and formed my own opinions as to how I wished to mother. Father Badger and I have rarely been separated overnight since Baby Badger was born, and I've found the rare occasions apart very difficult. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for my mother. We are also much better off, enabling me to return to work at 12 months.

What's the hardest thing about being a mum?

Not being able to do what I want, when I want. It's not even the selfish or self-indulgent things such as sitting with a book or going out clubbing (not that I really miss those days): it's having the time to sort through boxes in the spare room without having to watch what's being posted through the bannisters; being able to prune the garden without constantly checking that Baby Badger isn't trying to eat gravel.

What's the best thing?

The constant love I have for her. Being able to comfort her and connect when I breastfeed her.

How has it changed you?

My priorities have changed. All those things I say that I can't do such as gardening and tidying: I can do them but given the choice I'd rather spend the time with her.

What do you hope for your children?

Health and happiness.

What do you fear for them?

Everything. Every time I watch the news I realise that so much of humanity has no respect for life and I panic, fearing the worst.

What makes it all worthwhile?

The hugs. The way she's loving her time with grandparents or at nursery during the day but is still delighted to see me. The way she learns new words, new things every day, making me proud.

You're tagged...

I've not actually chosen any victims but if you'd like to join in then comment below leaving a link to your post!

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

A Mother’s Work Meme

This meme was started by mother.wife.me and as it's a subject I've been pondering recently I thought I'd chip in.

Rules:

1. Please post the rules
2. Answer the questions in as much or as little detail as suits you
3. Leave a comment on mother.wife.me so we can keep track of the meme
4. Tag 3 people and link to them on your blog
5. Let them know you tagged them
6. Tweet loudly about taking part (well ok, that isn’t a rule, but how about if we start a hashtag – #amothersworkmeme

Did you work before becoming a mum?

Yes. Before heading off on maternity leave I had worked in the IT industry for over a decade, building up technical skills, knowledge, a nice salary and a good reputation.


What is your current situation?

I am back working at the company I was at before my maternity leave. They have a good maternity policy so I was lucky enough to be able to take a full year's leave and return to my job.

Freestylin’ on Childcare Costs and Expectations

I work full time. I am lucky: my parents and my mother in law live locally so between them Baby Badger has two days a week with family. That's great for our bank balance, but more importantly great for her to grow up knowing her grandparents. The remaining three days are spent at the nursery on the business park where I work. It's a good nursery: the staff are engaged and enthusiastic, the standard of cleanliness is good enough without reaching obsessive levels, and the staff all know my daughter by name. I've made a point of observing out of view before I collect her and she seems to be genuinely enjoying her time. In this respect I have no qualms over our decision to use nursery time.

Standard day rate at the nursery is just over £50. Again I am lucky: I get a discount for working on the park, then I save almost 50% because I pay via salary sacrifice (saving tax and national insurance). Three days per week costs me approximately £300 per month.

Consider someone using the nursery that has to use it five days a week; someone whose employer is not forward-thinking enough to offer to offer the salary sacrifice option. That monthly bill comes in at around £1,000. That's a serious amount of money. What do you have left from your pay packet once the mortgage/rent and bills are paid? I'm guessing a lot of families wouldn't have that £1,000 available.

Father Badger and I are considering adding a second cub to the sett and I'm honestly wondering what we'll do when it comes to my career and childcare costs. We could perhaps come to an arrangement with the grandparents with regards extra help, but they're not getting any younger and it seems unfair to expect them to either give up extra days or contend with two children. I'm guessing that we're at least looking to double our childcare costs. We won't make a loss, but it's a big enough dent to wonder whether a change of approach is required.

It's ridiculous that at double the UK national average salary (2010 figure), and a household income of double that, I'm considering whether it's worth going back to work with two children in part-time childcare. Absolutely ridiculous.

And now to the second part of my rant: expectations.

Expectations of flexibility. I am writing this post from a hotel on the outskirts of Leeds, 200 miles from home. My husband and daughter are at home, 200 miles from me. It's not the end of the world, but I don't like it. I've reached the point in my career (ignoring the fact that I'm not sure what I'll do after baby number two) where I need to take on bigger projects, more responsibility, hence I'm travelling. It's not required of me, but it is expected. If I refused, it would be "ok" but I would struggle to progress any further with the remaining opportunities. Thank goodness for Skype and FaceTime - without being able to see the faces I love I don't think I could bear being away from home.

Expectations that I am no longer breastfeeding. That's probably not fair: it won't be a conscious expectation as it won't even cross their mind that I might be. I'm the first employee in a company of thousands to request somewhere to express when returning from maternity leave. I no longer need the facility but that doesn't mean I'm not feeding. I was also up in Leeds a few weeks ago when Baby Badger was so ill that she couldn't keep any food down. I literally was her only source of food but didn't feel as though I could give it as a reason to cancel my trip. Maybe I should have plucked up courage, but honestly - do you think an employer would have understood?


You're tagged!

End of rant. It's late and I should be in bed...

I am tagging:

• Beth aka @plasticrosaries as I'm guessing she's got a lot to say on the subject of trying to juggle work and motherhood.
• Menai aka @MenaiN for a different perspective as a working mum on a break as an ex-pat

Image: www.skype.com

The Ultimate Christmas Meme

Technically I haven't been tagged for this, but I enjoyed reading contributions from Menai and Kate so thought I'd barge on in!

The Christmas song I can even listen to in June is…
Gaudete, a 16th century Christmas Carol. There's a pretty good choral recording here, but I can't find a decent recording of the brass band arrangement by Kevin Norbury (which I really love).

Hot chocolate, egg nog or mulled wine?
Mulled wine as long as it doesn't have cloves in it. Hot chocolate is nice, especially with a slug of whisky, but not malted. Ovaltine is horrible. Never tried egg nog but it sounds disgusting.

When do you put your decorations up?
Late. We usually get to the weekend before and realise we're running out of time. This year we did it on the first weekend in December because we thought Baby Badger would get excited - if nothing else she enjoyed pinging the baubles!

What are you having for Christmas dinner?
I'm answering this in hindsight as a) I'm writing this after Christmas and b) I wouldn't have known as I wasn't doing the cooking (hurrah). We had turkey stuffed with a [insert bird name] stuffed with a [insert another bird name] with roast veg, honey glazed carrots, sprouts, port and cranberry sauce and bread sauce, followed by Christmas pudding and mince pies with brandy butter and brandy cream. I didn't, of course, eat the bread sauce because it's pointless - why add tasteless baby food to something already rather lovely?

What’s your favourite Christmas tradition?
Playing carols with the local brass band on the village green on Christmas Eve whilst Father Christmas gives out presents to the children. We even have carols sheets for anyone that wants to sing along (we usually get a good 30-40 in varying states of tipsy-ness).

Have you ever gone carol singing?
I think I did once, a long time ago. More recently I've played carols as part of a brass group, with and without singers. The best one was playing sat on hay bales on a trailer being pulled round a local village by a Landrover - very amusing and as a bonus we were fed and watered on the way round!

When did you discover the truth about Santa?
I'm not sure. I think I must have blocked out the trauma.

How do you decorate your Christmas tree?
Multi-coloured LED lights, hopefully in a subtle twinkling configuration but they seem to come on in random chase mode. Assorted shiny baubles. Decorations from various travels and memories: glow in the dark plastic snowflakes and icicles from my childhood; corndolly baubles from our honeymoon in Germany; enamelled baubles from a factory we visited in North Korea.

All I want for Christmas is…
Honestly? Some sleep, an opportunity to relax and a whole bunch of forgotten annual leave so that I don't have to go back to work until at least February. Given that the latter is pretty unlikely, I'll settle for two of these.

Image: Michal Marcol / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Ten Things You Don't Know About Me

I've been a bit quiet recently and there's nothing better than a meme to get the words flowing. Jayne over at Mum's the Word tagged me to write ten things you don't know about me...

First of all, I'm going to have to say in my defence that I've done something similar before so I'm struggling for another ten! At least last time it was only seven things, so I haven't used too many up! Let's see if I can think of another ten...

1. I have a purple belt in karate (Shotokan, in case you're interested). I started because I wanted to improve my fitness without mind-numbing gym sessions, but really enjoyed it, even though it was a full contact club - there's nothing quite like knowing that incoming punch is designed to hit its target to make you defend properly! I've not trained in a few years now, but maybe one day I'll get back into it again.

2. My favourite film since a child is The Jungle Book (the original one with Beatles-style vultures). When I was very young I had a bootleg cassette tape of the film (that's right - just the sound!), I'm guessing done by someone with a tape recorder in the cinema. The result is that I know all of the lyrics and pretty much all the dialogue off by heart.

3. I was born in an RAF hospital in Germany. My parents and I came to the UK to live before I was a year old and I gave up my dual nationality when I got my own passport in my teens.

4. I have two degrees. The first is in Music from Durham; the second is in Maths & Computing with The Open University.

5. I like real ale. Beer should be room temp and not fizzy. It's just the way it is. I also like whisky. I'm so feminine...

6. I hate beach holidays. I burn in the British sun, so why on earth I'd want to pay to go somewhere else and fry I do not know?! That's not to say I don't like holiday in warm climates, but I generally like to sit in the shade with a drink and a good book and look out at the sun.

7. I love skiing holidays. I'm not amazing, and put me at the top of a black run and I'd rather be airlifted out than attempt it, but I do at least feel as though I ski with a degree of style rather than simply making it down in one piece now. I didn't go this year because Baby Badger was way too young to leave (not to mention the two hourly feeds), and last year I went but had to limit myself because of being pregnant, so I'm dying to get back on the slope. The jury is currently out as to whether I get to go next year.

8. I love a fancy dress party. My favourite costumes so far have included Lara Croft, Rogue from X Men, and various Halloween characters.

9. I was a Goth in my teenage years and I still relish any opportunity to don black clothing and plenty of silver jewellery and studs. I love my New Rock boots, even if they do weigh a ton.

10.My eyesight is terrible. I wear either glasses or contact lenses all the time, and I honestly think that without them I would be run over the first time I left the pavement (after having fallen of the kerb, which I hadn't seen).

And now it's my turn to tag: @MenaiN, @And1MoreMeans5 and @NinjaMomBlog.

Image: Suat Eman / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The Guardian Questions & Answers Meme

I've been tagged by Stay at Home Mum over at sahmlovingit, but the meme was born over at Mrs Lister Writes and is based on The Guardian Weekend Magazine questions.

I'm just back from a self-imposed exile from my blog and Twitter in order to get more sleep and concentrate on the important job of being mum. Hopefully this is a nice way to return refreshed. And now for my answers...

Which living person do you most admire, and why?
My Dad. He's truly a good a person, kind, caring. He made a good career for himself after leaving school with few qualifications, then in his fifties took up his RAF commission to make a difference in some very dangerous locations.

When were you happiest?
My wedding day. Truly the best day of my life, and I can pretty much remember every moment.

What was your most embarrassing moment?
Honestly, I don't tend to get embarrassed in a big way. Maybe because I've never had a tendency to do stupid things on alcohol, and maybe because I'm thick-skinned.

Aside from property, what’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought?
My car. I think anyone who doesn't say that either drives a banger or has very expensive taste in jewellery.

What is your most treasured possession?
My engagement ring. Father Badger chose the stone and had it shipped to the jewellers and I would be devastated to lose it.

Where would you like to live?
Right where I am. I live in the village where I grew up, with family on both sides near by. All I might change is to move to a more characterful house with a bit more garden.

What’s your favourite smell?
I'm definitely not a perfume girl. Good quality chocolate and vanilla rate highly on my favourites, but also fresh ripe fruit: mango, lime, strawberry.

Who would play you in the film of your life?
I'm rubbish on actors, mainly due to my inability to sit still and watch an entire film. Someone once compared me to Liv Tyler, athough I think they were being extremely kind, so let's go with her.

What is your favourite book?
It's too hard to narrow down. I could read Susan Cooper's "The Dark is Rising" series again and again.

What is your most unappealing habit?
Picking Baby Badger's bogeys. If I spot one, it's got to come out...

What would be your fancy dress costume of choice?
Anything with an element of goth or rock: leather, studs, black eye liner. There's a whole host of famous characters, superheroes, etc. that give the excuse...

What is your earliest memory?
Falling in a rather large pond at a friend's house. I was probably about four. It was the first of many ponds I fell in.

What is your guiltiest pleasure?
If I've had a tough day and the car needs filling up, I sneak a chocolate bar for the way home.

What do you owe your parents?
My education and morals.

To whom would you most like to say sorry, and why?
An ex-boyfriend from university. We split up over a strange misunderstanding/argument and he took it very badly. I didn't mean to hurt him, but I guess it can't have been that strong a relationship in the first place.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
Until June 2010 it was my husband: I can't imagine my life without him. From June he's been usurped by my daughter by a narrow margin.

What does love feel like?
Exciting and all-encompassing yet comfortable and familiar.

What was the best kiss of your life?
The kiss at our wedding, which was followed by a huge round of applause by the congregation.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
"I was gonna say..." as an introductory phrase to almost anything.

What is the worst job you've done?
Mucking out stables for free. I lasted one day.

If you could edit your past, what would you change?
The evening I introduced my dad to South Park. It turned out to be the episode making light of cancer and it was soon after my gran died of a brain tumour. I should have turned it off but didn't know what to do or say and I think it hurt him that I was watching it.

What is the closest you've come to death?
The accident where my car was written of by a lorry. Luckily we were both going pretty slowly and I swerved otherwise it probably would have gone into the drivers door. As it happens, both my boyfriend (now husband) and I walked away from it.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Other than giving birth... my Open University degree, a first in Maths and Computing. I studied over a period of eight years while working full time.

When did you last cry, and why?
Yesterday. I was tired and grumpy.

How do you relax?
I spend far too long on the internet: on my phone on Facebook or Twitter; on my laptop blogging or managing a couple of community group websites. Sometimes just browsing rubbish.

What single thing would improve the quality of your life?
Sleep. A good ten hours per night, but with still plenty of hours left in the day to do everything I want and need to.

What is the most important lesson life has taught you?
Don't worry about things you can't change.


I'm meant to tag some people here... I know this meme has been doing the rounds so a lot of people have done it already. If you fancy a go, leave a comment to say so and I'll add you.

Image: Jomphong / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What being a parent means to me...

This post is part of a meme hosted by Tasha at The Domestic Anarchist to support the launch of the Maternity Matters blog, which is dedicated towards raising awareness of birth trauma, the positive birth choices that women are entitled to make and the steps which families can take to move on with their lives after a traumatic birth.

Being a parent means... tiredness. Sleep is obviously going to be elusive but I'm sure I will adjust; I guess I have already.

Being a parent means... patience. The patience to understand that Baby Badger doesn't understand that I'll be back in a minute and that it may well be the end of the world to her that I want a moment on my own to wee without having to set up a play gym in the bathroom doorway!

Being a parent means... strength. The strength I will no doubt need to show for her as she grows up. I hope that I have the strength to cope with the inevitable tantrums in the terrible twos and the teenage years (and possibly the years in between) and to deal with them with fairness and respect.

Being a parent means... responsibility. I have a responsibility to make sure she grows up with respect for others. I have a responsibility to ensure that she has all that she needs (but not necessarily wants): a healthy balanced lifestyle; good education; fun and games, not just with her peers but also with her parents; unconditional love and support.

Being a parent means... time. The frustrating time that I don't have for myself, which is balanced out by the enjoyable time spent in her company. The time I must learn to set aside to give my undivided attention to her to read, play and cuddle; and the time I must take to relax and recuperate so that I can be a better mother when I am with her.

Being a parent means... pride. The pride I feel as she throws herself into new experiences: different food; shaky steps along the edge of the sofa; new places, new games, new people - all admirably coped with.

Being a parent means... love. The rush of love I feel when she finishes her morning feed, waggles her arms and legs furiously and giggles in contentment. The way my heart melts when her face lights up because I've come into the room. The love that is always there.

How do you perceive me? The 1 Word Meme

This meme was started by the lovely Michelle over at Mummy From The Heart, and I was tagged by Aly at Plus 2.4

I had noticed this meme doing the rounds and I have to admit I was quite nervous about being tagged: I'm new on the blogging scene and it would be a bit crushing for no one to comment! Go on... make me a happy girl...!

Almost forgot to tag anyone! Here goes: @and1moremeans5 @Polythenepram @hotcrossmum @domanarchist    and @MellyBentley.

Five things that make you feel good

Having discovered memes recently (being a bit new to the blogosphere), I've now stumbled upon another one, started by the lovely Scottish Mum. The idea is to celebrate ourselves as hard working mums and focus on the warm and fuzzy, the positives and come up with a happy list! Off limits are the techy-geeky things that we know we like (Twitter, blogging, etc.) and to focus on the things that lift our spirits. Oh, and go put your blog URL into the linky at the end of my list.

Five things that make me feel good...

1. Chocolate.
Perhaps chocolate could be seen as a little predictable by some, but tough: it does make me happy. I am fussy though. On the whole, chocolate should just be chocolate (unless we're venturing into the realms of truffles, which are a whole different ball game). Don't waste space where chocolate should be by mixing in nuts, raisins or wafer. Don't even get me started on Maltesers - why on earth do they fill perfectly good chocolate space with that horrible biscuit?! Dairy Milk is good, as is practically anything from Hotel Chocolat. Hot Chocolate, for the record, is an imposter and simply doesn't make the grade. I'd rather have a cup of tea.

2. Music.
That's probably a bit generic. There are some songs or pieces of music that just "do it". Some give that warm fuzzy feeling - check out Concrete Blonde's Bloodletting for example (which no doubt gives away my goth teenage years). Some leave you with goosebumps, hairs standing up on your arms: the Janacek Sinfonietta is one of those for me. There are many others, perhaps a future blog post to show the playlist to my life so far...?

3. Achieving.
I write lists. I need to get to the end of each day and feel as though I have "achieved", and go into a mini-meltdown in the evening if I feel as though I haven't. The only way for me to deal with this is to write down all the things I'm trying to get done over the next day/week/month and draw a satisfying line through each task as it is completed - that way I can look back at the end of the day and get that warm fuzzy feeling that means I "achieved". I'm a stickler, though: I wrapped a parcel a few days ago, wrote the address and affixed stamps, but didn't allow myself to cross it off the list until it had gone in the post box this afternoon.

4. Order.
Together with number 3, this is going to make me look a little OCD. I like things in their place, preferably in a logical order. With books that's alphabetical by surname. With CDs it's alphabetical by band name but grouped by genre. I really hate it when a CD is put back in the wrong case. Father Badger has the opposite approach to me: if he can't see something then it has been put away, truly "out of sight, out of mind". This leads to me either not being able to find what I'm looking for (because it's been squirelled away in the least logical of hiding places) or making surprise discoveries of things I hadn't been able to locate (e.g. the missing dinner plate of a set in a carrier bag in the cleaning cupboard - no idea why). It messes with my mind and I will need therapy.

5. Father Badger and Baby Badger.
I know, how soppy! Both of them have the ability to drive me insane, but when Father Badger hasn't been hiding spare cutlery in the junk drawer, and Baby Badger is happy playing and gives me a gummy (with three teeth) grin, I am truly happy. I can't imagine my life without either of them and I'm a very lucky girl.

Image: Suat Eman / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Seven Things

I've been tagged in a meme for the first time (yey!), although I admit I waved my hand in the air like a schoolgirl and shouted "me, me" (or the Twitter equivalent). Thank you to Kirsty at Imperfect Pages for obliging!

What's this particular meme? To list seven true facts about me that you won't know. Given that you don't know me from Adam, it should be quite easy to fulfil the "don't know" part, but I've gotta make them at least vaguely interesting. Can my sleep deprived mind do that? Let me know...

1. I'm scared of spiders. Not in the running around screaming sort of way, but certainly in the rooted to the spot yelling for help way. I also find them fascinating and sometimes beautiful. I think it's actually the thought of them on me that's the issue rather than the actual spider, and they move so darned fast... When Father Badger and I started dating, the flat I lived in seemed to breed huge black spiders in autumn. I could just about manage to trap each one under the largest Pyrex bowl I had, then I'd call him to come and release it outside. Apparently it's helped him deal with his fear of spiders!

2. We've had our car for almost a year and it's never been washed (unless you count the snow I rubbed over the number plate last month). I hate washing cars. So pointless. I'm holding out hope that Volvo will wash it when it goes in for its service next week.

3. I play in a brass band - ooh, how rock and roll! I started on the trumpet when I was seven years old and, over a quarter of a century later, I'm still playing.

4. I love making stuff. I made Baby Badger's nursery curtains, and I've sewn toys and mobiles. I've even made some clothes, but I wouldn't say I was particularly good  as a seamstress! I can knit anything as long as it's a scarf. When Baby Badger is old enough for "make and play" we'll have a box full of old cardboard, yoghurt pots and tin foil and we'll make stuff too. What fun!

5. I've been on holiday to some fairly exciting places. I've stayed in the Ice Hotel in Swedish Lapland. I've snorkelled with sealions around the Galapagos. I've trekked to see mountain gorillas in Uganda (although I did have visions of being airlifted out when my legs became too tired to go any further). I've been to North Korea, which was fun other than the unsettling experience of handing over my passport for "safe keeping" for the duration.

6. I'm a bit of an Eats, Shoots & Leaves girl. I hate poor spelling, become irritated by bad grammar and obsess about misuse of apostrophes. That's not to say that my blog won't have the odd typo, and I'm aware that the slightly chatty style of blog writing doesn't use perfect grammar, but I never promised consistent standards.

7. Following the trend of slightly gross body-related facts: I have three pairs of piercings in my ears plus one at the top left, and the second pair was done by me with a darning needle. I was bored, and got into a whole heap of trouble when my mum noticed. I also had my belly button pierced for a while, but it came out on the aforementioned trip to North Korea. I still have a lump of scar tissue from it that I play with in the bath. Mmmm...

I'm now meant to tag fifteen other bloggers to do this, but I'm rather new to this blogging malarky so don't know many to tag! If you'd like a go at this let me know: add a comment or tweet me.

Image: Rawich / FreeDigitalPhotos.net