More yoghurt m'duck!

Baby Badger has been astounding me for some time over just how much she understands. She has just started communicating clearly back to us, obviously for in the areas that she considers to be the most important, one of those areas being food (she is her father's daughter...).

I say "Are you hungry? Would you like something to eat?". She signs for food  (a hand tapping the corner of her mouth) and legs it into the kitchen! She finishes her plateful and a very definite "MORE" is uttered. This weekend's huge achievement revolves around our fall back food: plain Greek yoghurt. It's been a staple of her diet for a while, having been introduced by me after seeing just how much sugar was in the baby yoghurts and fromage frais. She loves it, and has always been excited at the mere mention. On Friday evening she signed for it: she made the Y sign. Yes, I know that's only the first half of the sign, but give her a break, she's only 16 months old...!

We've been doing animal sounds for a while: "clip clop" for horse, "moo" (cow), "baa" (interchangeable for sheep and goat). Father Badger swears blind that she can also do "sss" for a snake but I've not heard it yet. The most amusing one is "duck", but with a distinct northern accent. The jury is out as to which side of the Pennines the accent spring from as there is a grandparent from both (and I've got a distinct southern accent). Other words include "ball" and "door". It's all great fun!

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Lesson of the Day - what goes in must come out

I was let out for good behaviour yesterday, and spent the afternoon and evening away from home. Father Badger very kindly cooked us scrambled eggs and baked beans on toast for lunch. Predictably, Baby Badger wolfed down the beans, mulled over the toast and refused the egg, even managing to eject just the egg from her mouth when given a spoonful of beans and egg mixed together - definitely a talent!

When I returned home late last night, Father Badger regaled me with tales of playing with the bouncy ball, endless reading of board books and (because we share way too much information) copious hideous nappies. I laughed at his misfortune, in that caring way I have, and though no more of it.... until this morning.

Today's lesson: if you feed your toddler baked beans, what comes out of the other end will resemble mushy baked beans, right down to the slightly sweet smell (yuk). Also to be noted is that just because your toddler eats the entire bowl of baked beans in one go does not mean that they'll come out in one go.

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Do toddlers and restaurants mix?

Apparently there's been a debate on Radio 4 recently over children in restaurants - whether they are welcome and what should be expected of them and their parents. The debate was sparked by a recent news article where a man had a wine bottle smashed over his head after asking a couple to quieten their baby (which had been crying for some time).

There's part of me that can understand how a parent might snap in those circumstances - baby crying continuously, you want some semblance of a social life (I've been there) - but I certainly don't condone the action taken. I also understand the victim's point of view: if you go out for a quiet meal, shrieking from a six month old is probably not your planned entertainment!

Today we went out for lunch for my sister in law's birthday. We went to a very nice local restaurant on the Thames (The Beetle & Wedge at Moulsford), chosen partly because of the lovely food and great reputation but also because their website said children are always welcome. The provided not only a nice clean wooden highchair with safety harness but also some chunky brightly coloured plastic cutlery, which Baby Badger loved playing with! When our starters arrived they brought some french bread crusts for her to chew on, and gave a tickle or funny face each time they passed our table. We really couldn't have asked for more (and as a bonus our food was delicious!).

Baby Badger did us proud. She was smiley, had a go at pretty much any food we passed her way: olives, vegetable crisps, ratatouille, beans, carrots and duck. She also went crazy for the chocolate pot (gorgeous, rich chocolate ganache with chantilly cream and chocolate icecream). She managed a whole three hours without a complaint!

Which brings me back to the debate... What would we have done if she hadn't been happy? Without a doubt we would have tried to placate her with food or a cuddle. If that didn't work, we would go for distraction: a walk round or a toy, perhaps a bit of mummy milk (because I have no issue with feeding discreetly in a restaurant). If that didn't work, we would remove her and one of us from the restaurant and not return until she was happy to be there. It's the only polite thing to do.

Do you take your little ones out for meals? How do you handle it when they're just not up for the experience?

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Steps, sleep and missing my mocha!

Baby Badger has now been in her cotbed in the nursery for two weeks, and is doing remarkably well. She has been sleeping from 11pm until 7am quite happily, so I decided it's now time to work on an earlier bedtime so that we're established with a good night's sleep and a 6:30 start in time for my return to work in June. Obviously, it was never going to go smoothly.

Monday evening went well: she was in bed asleep at 7:45 ready for my mum to babysit for an hour or so, but woke soon after 10 (luckily I was home) screaming at the top of her lungs for milk - screaming so hard that she gave herself hiccups! I got her back off to sleep again, and she woke again at 3am. I've reminded myself that compared to a few months ago when she was waking 2-3 times per night, this was actually a good night! After the recent luxury of a full night's sleep, it didn't feel so good...

I'll put forward my excuses now: after a disturbed night, day two of the new healthier me was not quite as good as day one. I had two biscuits at Baby Signing, but I did skip my usual (much enjoyed mocha) and get a  mug of tea instead. I'm not sure that entirely balances out, but it's a step in the right direction! Speaking of steps, I managed 5,777 of them, again with a 20lb Baby Badger strapped to the front of me for most of them. She did do her best to help me make up for it however, as she ate going on half of my chilli pasta bake at Baby Lunchbox! Don't you just love Baby Led Weaning?!

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Running out of time

Spring has sprung and the countdown has begun. Baby Badger is now over nine months old - as Father Badger puts it "she's spent more time out than in"! All of these things are lovely and exciting but it also means that my maternity leave is running out and it's causing an internal conflict I never would have predicted before becoming Mum.

There's a big part of me that wants to return to work. I've worked hard since leaving university, soaking up knowledge in my field and climbing a decent way up the ladder. The professional in me desperately wants to continue advancing my career, gaining knowledge and respect from my peers along the way. I've simply put too much into it to throw it away. I'm also a strong, independent woman and I feel very uncomfortable with the fact that I am unwaged at the moment: not because we are in financial difficulties (although obviously things have been tight over the last few months) but because I have always been on an equal footing with Father Badger in terms of what I contribute to the coffers and I somehow see that as earning me an equal footing in the decisions we make about our home and lifestyle.

The same part of me worries that I've changed on my year away from work and won't be able to pick up where I left off. The job I do requires me to care about what I do; to throw all of myself into my work, providing top customer service and going above and beyond to make sure the best possible outcome is achieved. My priorities have changed: I can't easily put in the extra hours the job sometimes requires; I assume all I'm going to want to do at the end of the day is rush out to see Baby Badger. I can count on one hand the times I've had more than four hours sleep in one go: can I really function on this much sleep? Ultimately, will I care enough about what I'm doing when it will naturally come second to my daughter? I take pride in doing a good job and can I cope with only giving 80% of myself to my colleagues?

There's the hassle factor... I am still breastfeeding and don't intend to stop as I would like Baby Badger to decide when to wean from the breast. We're doing Baby Led Weaning, which is great, but she's not yet taking in food in any great quantity so she's not yet dropping feeds. This wouldn't be an issue except that a few months ago she stopped taking expressed milk: she now flatly refuses the bottle. We're making slow progress in getting her to drink water from a variety of sippy cups so hopefully we can progress onto milk - we've got two months to get it sorted! I've had the conversation with HR regarding somewhere to pump at work (oh, the dignity) and although it took them by surprise they have come back with a sensible suggestion. This is a good thing but it does mean that I will have to pump and eat lunch at the same time. I shouldn't complain though as it's my decision to still be breastfeeding.

There's also the childcare... We are lucky enough to live near both sets of grandparents and they are covering two days per week between them. I think this is fantastic as Baby Badger will grow up knowing them well. She will be going to a local nursery for the remainder of the week. It's a good nursery, and they say they are happy with the less mainstream things I'm asking of them, namely feeding expressed milk and using cloth nappies. I am dreading leaving her there as she is experiencing really bad separation anxiety - unless Father Badger is around, I can barely make it out of the room before she screams, and I can't bear hearing her unhappy.

Then there's mealtimes. As I mentioned, we're doing Baby Led Weaning. The more I think about it, the more I am against traditional weaning. It seems crazy to shovel food down Baby Badger's throat, distracting her in order to sneak another spoonful in. Yes, I know generations have been fed that way, but it doesn't mean it's right. It's very important to me that she continues to be in control of what and how much she eats as I believe it will lead to a more adventurous palate and the ability to listen to her appetite. My worry is that either the nursery staff or grandparents aren't going to entirely "get it" and mess it up. Is this the control freak in me trying to get out?

Then there's the last little problem. I'm going to miss her. I don't want someone else seeing the first time she walks; the first proper words; her cheeky grin. Maybe this is the biggest issue for me...?

All the above makes it look as though I'm in a dilemma, but that's not the case. The terms of my maternity package mean that I'm tied to going back for at least six months (or pay back a sizeable chunk of money), so I don't really have a choice to make: I'm going back at the start of June. I guess my dilemma is convincing myself that it's the right choice. I'm working on it...

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