Reasons To Be Cheerful: first steps, confessions and knitting

Truth be told, I'm a day early for Reasons To Be Cheerful, but I need to say this tonight.

Reason 1: The first real steps have been taken towards dealing with my depression.

Last Friday I had my initial telephone assessment with Talking Space, the local NHS mental health service. They decided I have "mild-to-moderate" depression, and offered me some group CBT sessions starting on 22nd January. That worried me - I can't imagine returning to work from a year's maternity leave to immediately ask for time off for medical treatment for a condition I don't want to share with my boss, regardless of whether I'm entitled to do so. I also really need to know I've made progress with this condition before returning to work - the idea of still feeling like this as well as working full time really panics me. I explained this as calmly as I could and was told they'd see what they could do.

I had a feeling that NHS treatment was not going to be immediate so I had already got a referral from my GP to BUPA - I'm lucky enough to be covered by my employer. I saw a counsellor today, where we talked through how I was feeling, what I thought might be the cause, and some more general questions. She came to the same conclusion as I had: the last trimester of my pregnancy was very stressful and I have had a high dependency baby (a "velcro baby" that needed to be in close contact with me 24/7 for almost nine months).

I also talked to my La Leche League leader yesterday about the Sertraline the GP wanted to prescribe me. I knew it was considered to be the safest antidepressant I could take whilst breastfeeding but I lost faith in the GP's knowledge of medications in milk when she talked about pumping and dumping after taking the medication - I knew that was rubbish! I feel much more reassured that Badger Cub will not be affected so I'm going to give it a go.

The next steps are also in place: I've been referred to another therapist through BUPA to talk more about the cause of my stress, and today's therapist has booked to see me in January to update on progress. Talking Space also called back and have booked me a one on one CBT session over the phone on 23rd December. I'm up for throwing everything I can get at this.

Reason 2: I told my parents.

As I mentioned before, my family don't really talk about this sort of stuff and that has really affected my ability to talk about it. They were looking after Badger Cub while I attended today's counselling session and I realised that they were worried that there was something wrong that I wasn't telling them about. It wasn't fair to let them assume something far worse than reality so I 'fessed up, and I managed to do it without crying - go me... They were great. Relief on my part.

Reason 3: knitting.

Baby Badger requested a pink and purple scarf. Everything has to be pink and/or purple at the moment. She spotted the work in progress and got very excited that I was making a blanket for Bunny. I laughed and said that it wasn't a blanket, but I could do that next. I told her to imagine it longer and around her neck - first guess was a necklace, but then her eyes widened in wonder and pure delight and she squealed "scarf!". All through dinner she sneaked peeks at the knitting and grinned. Moments like that make everything worthwhile.

This month R2BC is being hosted by Ojo's World while Michelle takes a break.

Reasons to be Cheerful: holiday, spiders and freedom

This week's Reasons to be Cheerful is guest hosted over at Mum Of All Trades, and it's snuggly autumnal read!

My first reason is that we've booked our skiing holiday for January! As I may have already mentioned, I'm so excited! I know that a lot of people look forward to their summer holiday: sand, sea, cocktails by the pool, all inclusive hotels. It's just not my cup of tea. I don't sunbathe because I turn into a lobster (and it's boring). I don't mind hot weather holidays, but I relax with a drink in the shade, usually with a good book, and explore when it's a little cooler. The holiday I always look forward to is on the slopes: skiing is hard work at times but such good fun!

My second reason is that I seem to have turned a corner regarding my fear of spiders. I've always freaked out when anything arachnoid larger than a penny runs my way, and recently it seemed that I was getting even more neurotic about them. It's been on my mind a lot recently: I really don't want to pass on this fear to Baby Badger. Last week my hand was forced and I caught a big black spider and put it out! Since then I somehow don't seem to have been quite so bothered by them, coping when one scuttles across the room, and even managed to shrug my shoulders and go to sleep when Father Badger told me one had run across the bedroom floor! I hope this is the start of my rehabilitation.

My third reason is that I have a day off next week on a childcare day. That means a whole day at home on my own, doing exactly what I want to do. Gardening. Sorting out some of the many things on my list around the house. Mundane jobs that have been waiting for months. A day of achieving. I can't wait!

Reasons to be Cheerful: crawling, ivy and doors

I've been sitting at my laptop for going on an hour this evening, trying to think of what to write. Truth be known, I've been feeling a bit bit depressed about the state of the world recently. I've been trying to avoid writing about it, finding something fun and light-hearted, but I simply need to say this.

First of all we have the natural disaster, the supposed Act of God that is the drought and famine in East Africa (and therein lies one of the many reasons that I don't believe any more). I saw a tweet that suggested that mothers were having to choose to let their weakest child die in order for the strongest to live. Before I was a mother that would have sounded awful; an impossible choice to make. Now that I have a daughter my innermost being screams out for them. How can the developed world strain under the weight of so much wastage while the forgotten millions perish. If I think about it I want to cry, so I don't think about it; I've donated to the DEC and that will have to do for now, but perhaps that's the root cause of the problem: it's too horrific for most people to think of and we choose to carry on in our happy existences.

Next we have the man-made disasters: the senseless bombing and shootings in Norway; and now I see that the Syrian authorities have killed 130 of their own people. Lastly we have the ignorantly damaging... one example is where The Analytical Armadillo recently highlighted the potentially fatal advice on sleeping arrangements for baby. Ridiculously high numbers of blankets to make them sleep through the night, as if that's the most important thing?! It makes me so sad to think that babies could be suffering or even dying due to bad advice.

Now... I do realise this post should be about reasons to be cheerful. I'm coming on to that! All of the badness in the world highlights to me that I really should be grateful for what I have, and I am truly grateful: I have a lovely husband, a comfortable life and a daughter I really would give everything for. And that's when I remembered Mich's reasons to be cheerful and realised that's exactly what I need today!

1. Baby Badger is crawling! She worked it out last month at a little over a year old, presumably because when she started at nursery she saw lots of other crawlers. There's just no stopping her now - it's given her the ability to get to the furniture she has been surfing along for months. We're going to have to be on our toes, but it's wonderful to watch!

2. Ivy. Father Badger attacked trimmed the ivy on the back wall today. I hate the ivy: it cuts out the light, it's probably doing bad things to the wall and (probably the main reason) it's full of spiders. This makes me cheerful for two reasons: I can hope that he trimmed so hard that it dies (!); and Baby Badger spent the afternoon outside in the play pen, under a tree, happily playing and chatting away.

3. I've finished the wardrobe doors. More accurately, I've finished the base colour. I've been planning these doors since I was pregnant and, almost 18 months later, I'm close to finishing them! I'll leave the details for another time, but suffice to say I'm proud of them.

Reasons to be Cheerful: sleep, splashes and family time

I thought it was about time I joined in with Michelle's Reasons to be Cheerful blog hop, especially considering what a lovely week we've had.

Father Badger has been off work since last Thursday, taking advantage (as millions of other people have) of the extra bank holiday to get lots of time off work for minimal annual leave. A full seventeen days as a family! It really has been lovely to spend so much time together, even if a lot of it has been spent catching up with jobs around the house. We've had a day out in Bath shopping, we've spent hours doubled over holding Baby Badger's hands while she walks around, we've spent time with family and gone on walks. I really don't want it to end after the bank holiday.

Today we went swimming, all three of us. It's the first time we've taken Baby Badger to a swimming pool. I know this is rather late in the day at almost eleven months old, but for months she hated baths and my reasoning was that if I couldn't keep her in a bath for more than thirty seconds without screaming, attempting a swimming pool was not going to be a winner. She loved it! Our local pool has a beach effect where it starts incredibly shallow and gradually gets to a depth for swimming. We spent the first ten minutes or so sitting in the shallows while she splashed and gradually went deeper. She was pretty happy being pulled forward on her tummy with my hands under her arms, not at all keen on going onto her back, however she was supported, and forgave me for dunking her under four times!

I decided a little while ago that I would like her to be in her own room by the time I go back to work in June. She'll be a year old and doesn't seem to need night feeds any more, and I think we'll all sleep better - we won't need to tiptoe, we won't wake her up turning over in bed, and I'll probably sleep better too. Last night we had her in her big girl room for the first time. How did it go? She slept soundly from 11 until our alarm went off at 7am. Hooray! I wonder if she'll do it again tonight...?