Wednesday 4 December 2013

Reasons To Be Cheerful: first steps, confessions and knitting

Truth be told, I'm a day early for Reasons To Be Cheerful, but I need to say this tonight.

Reason 1: The first real steps have been taken towards dealing with my depression.

Last Friday I had my initial telephone assessment with Talking Space, the local NHS mental health service. They decided I have "mild-to-moderate" depression, and offered me some group CBT sessions starting on 22nd January. That worried me - I can't imagine returning to work from a year's maternity leave to immediately ask for time off for medical treatment for a condition I don't want to share with my boss, regardless of whether I'm entitled to do so. I also really need to know I've made progress with this condition before returning to work - the idea of still feeling like this as well as working full time really panics me. I explained this as calmly as I could and was told they'd see what they could do.

I had a feeling that NHS treatment was not going to be immediate so I had already got a referral from my GP to BUPA - I'm lucky enough to be covered by my employer. I saw a counsellor today, where we talked through how I was feeling, what I thought might be the cause, and some more general questions. She came to the same conclusion as I had: the last trimester of my pregnancy was very stressful and I have had a high dependency baby (a "velcro baby" that needed to be in close contact with me 24/7 for almost nine months).

I also talked to my La Leche League leader yesterday about the Sertraline the GP wanted to prescribe me. I knew it was considered to be the safest antidepressant I could take whilst breastfeeding but I lost faith in the GP's knowledge of medications in milk when she talked about pumping and dumping after taking the medication - I knew that was rubbish! I feel much more reassured that Badger Cub will not be affected so I'm going to give it a go.

The next steps are also in place: I've been referred to another therapist through BUPA to talk more about the cause of my stress, and today's therapist has booked to see me in January to update on progress. Talking Space also called back and have booked me a one on one CBT session over the phone on 23rd December. I'm up for throwing everything I can get at this.

Reason 2: I told my parents.

As I mentioned before, my family don't really talk about this sort of stuff and that has really affected my ability to talk about it. They were looking after Badger Cub while I attended today's counselling session and I realised that they were worried that there was something wrong that I wasn't telling them about. It wasn't fair to let them assume something far worse than reality so I 'fessed up, and I managed to do it without crying - go me... They were great. Relief on my part.

Reason 3: knitting.

Baby Badger requested a pink and purple scarf. Everything has to be pink and/or purple at the moment. She spotted the work in progress and got very excited that I was making a blanket for Bunny. I laughed and said that it wasn't a blanket, but I could do that next. I told her to imagine it longer and around her neck - first guess was a necklace, but then her eyes widened in wonder and pure delight and she squealed "scarf!". All through dinner she sneaked peeks at the knitting and grinned. Moments like that make everything worthwhile.

This month R2BC is being hosted by Ojo's World while Michelle takes a break.


Reasons to be Cheerful at Mummy with a Heart

12 comments:

  1. I'm so glad to read that something positive is being some about your depression. What's happening sounds really good.
    As for knitting its one of my loves. Currently going mitten crazy xx

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    1. Mittens are somewhat beyond my knitting abilities. Something to aim for perhaps...

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  2. Well done you on getting help and also being honest with your parents. I had late onset PND with the twins and again we are not the kind of family who talk about or 'get' depression but they surprised me too. Wishing you a really successful recovery. Mich x

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    1. My husband's family are much more open and I'm determined that our children feel able to talk to us about anything.

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  3. so glad you are getting help and feeling that there is a light at the end of the tunnel x

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    1. Definitely light. It's so much better having it acknowledged and the feeling that someone else cares about it.

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  4. Well done for telling your family - I have also discovered that people tend to worry more when they don't know, and hopefully you will start to feel better soon xx

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  5. So impressed with your determination and bravery, Go you indeed!

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  6. Well done you on getting help with the depression. I never did to the cost of me and my family. So courageous and means you can be an inspiration to others too. Don't underestimate the power of that. Well done on being strong enough to tell your parents too. So proud of you even though I don't know you. The future will be bright

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  7. Thank you so much for your words. I'm doing it because my family deserve all of me rather than the me they currently have.

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